Top Tips for Parents
(or, how to enjoy the process while your friends are freaking out)
- RELAX. The odds are that your child will be happy wherever they end up.
- Don’t relax TOO MUCH. You are still the parent, and gentle prodding is sometimes necessary to ensure the process moves itself along.
- Set aside one day a week, agreed upon early, for college discussions. Stick to the agreement and try not to discuss college issues outside of that time.
- Have honest discussions with your child early in the process regarding non-negotiable items (finances, distance from home, no urban areas, etc).
- Do not obsess over test scores. They are what they are. The more you obsess, the more stressed your child will be. Do not, under any circumstances, get into discussions with other parents (or worse, other students) about test scores of their children or yours. Do not invest in an SAT prep program without speaking to a reliable outside source about your child’s testing (not your neighbor or the test prep company; a guidance counselor).
- Take advantage of resources. Read helpful books (not guidebooks – see my list). Talk to your child’s guidance counselor…but not every day. Go to the programs offered by the high school.
- Be honest with yourself. Admit your prejudices. (“But I just loooove the Fighting Irish!!!” or what have you.) Do not share these prejudices with your child.
- Help organize your child’s college application process. Use charts on the fridge, set up application files, a multicolored tabbed notebook – it doesn’t matter – but this is one thing you can do that really helps, that your child won’t have time to do for him/herself.
- Resist the urge to ask to read the college essay until after it is completed (unless, of course, you are invited to do so). You are not the intended audience. Strongly encourage your child to have an English teacher, guidance counselor, and a peer read it.
- Take deep breaths. In the words of Rick Warren, “it’s not about you.” Remember who’s going to college.
- Above everything else: college admissions is a BUSINESS. It is NOT a judgment on your CHILD or on your PARENTING. So sit back and enjoy the bonding that IS possible as your child gets ready to embark upon the greatest adventure of his/her life so far.
Written by Amy Thompson 2006/www.aethompson.com